FAQ
frequently asked questions
Dating
So much more than what we think it is

Dating

What is dating? According to Merriam Webster, to date someone means to make a usually romantic social arrangement to meet with them. As can be inferred from the definition, dating is generally considered to be a form of courtship, and consists of social activities performed by the couple, either by themselves, or with others. Although traditions and protocols vary widely across cultures, it’s generally accepted that the end goal is marriage or a serious relationship. And although it can feel that dating has been around forever, especially in the West, it’s actually got a shorter, and more interesting, history than many people realize.

Yes, the dictionary definition of dating – to make a usually romantic arrangement to meet with someone – is there, but it hardly encompasses the question ‘What is the meaning of dating someone?’

The importance of spending time together can’t be understated; that’s how people go from acquaintances to friends or even more, after all. Luckily, unlike couples in the past, singles today can spend time together by themselves either in public or in private. And even if they’re unlucky enough to not be in the same region, there’s always video chat.

And when people spend time together, magic happens. Inside jokes, special memories, thoughtful gifts – these are some of the small things that strong relationships are made of, and dating gives people the opportunity to create moments like these for the special someone in their life.

While you can combine time spent together with doing fun things, what tips the edge over from friendship to dating is that special chemistry. Luckily, modern dating allows us to see if we can share those feelings with someone before there’s any chance of a lifetime commitment.

Getting To Know

HOW MANY DATES BEFORE A RELATIONSHIP?

You’ve met someone, and not just the first date went great, all the following ones did too. The initial burst of infatuation has given way to something a little more solid, something that might even be permanent, but neither of you has taken that step yet. Still, the question is on your mind: how many dates before it’s a relationship? How soon you make the transition to a serious relationship depends a lot more, than a fixed number of dates you’ve been on. But there are milestones that point to whether you’re ready to move forward to exclusive dating or a serious relationship.

As the time spent together gets more intense, your relationship progresses and gets deeper. Next to this, there is less pressure on you and your partner to have scheduled, structured dates – rather than always needing concrete activities or plans of dinner, or a movie, or going out to be able to see the other person. It’s not awkward or unusual to spend time together – doing a grocery run, for instance, or hanging out at one of your houses, or even just Netflxing. It’s less a question of how many dates before a relationship than how comfortable you are in said relationship and how much you enjoy this quality time.

Meeting each other’s family and friends is a big milestone in and of itself, but a less well recognized and equally important one. How do you and your partner’s family get along now after the pressure of the first parents meeting is off? Maybe you and his sister have gone shopping together, or you both occasionally have dinner with her best friends and their spouses. In a long-term relationship, you will be spending at least some time with each other’s families, so them being a part of your life is a good indication that it’s getting serious.

Yes, that initial infatuation is important – who doesn’t love that initial rush of attraction, the way you can’t keep your hands off each other. The way you can’t stop thinking about her or wanting to touch him? But when it comes to commitment, compatibility is more important than any initial dating chemistry – for instance, do you share the same values? Does one of you like to travel, while the other is more of a homebody? How many dates before a relationship shouldn’t be at the center. It’s about compatibility that shows if you have the building blocks of a life together.

Attraction

LAW OF ATTRACTION FOR LOVE

You’ve gone on dozens upon dozens of dates, been set up by everyone you know, and yet, somehow, you’re still single. So, you’re wondering why you just can’t find a partner? When it comes to love, the Law of Attraction may not be working in your favor.

The Laws of Attraction come from the best-selling book The Secret. The gist of it is that if you think about what you want enough, eventually you will manifest it. Sounds too good to be true, right? Well… yes and no.

While it’s true that there’s no scientific proof of the Laws of Attraction for love (and they don’t take into account the real systemic barriers that a lot of people can’t just ‘manifest’ their way around) some of the core ideas have been around for centuries. Buddha, for instance, said “What you have become is what you have thought,” and there is scientific evidence to suggest that visualization is an important part of achieving goals.

While ‘manifesting love’ in the traditional sense of this phenomenon isn’t truly possible – you can’t, after all, control other people’s feelings – you can use some of the principles of the Law of Attraction for love to increase your confidence in dating and increase your chances of finding partner.

ou could spend your time asking yourself ‘why am I single?’ or complaining about how you’re going to be single forever… or you could spend it making yourself into a person other people would love to have on their arm. This doesn’t mean plastic surgery or somehow becoming fabulously wealthy, but it does mean that you make the effort to improve yourself. According to the Law of Attraction for love, like attracts like, and you definitely want to attract love with someone as awesome as you are.

There’s an old saying about not being able to love someone until you love yourself. Like all clichés, there’s a kernel of truth to it. If you see yourself as unworthy, you’re likelier to attract partners who don’t value you the way they should. This is why it’s really important to practice self-care – not just face masks or an extra glass of wine, but the hard stuff, too, like signing up for therapy to deal with any issues or making that doctor’s appointment.

Commitment

SIGNS YOU’RE READY TO GET ENGAGED

When you first started your long dating search, finding someone to share your life with probably sounded like a long shot. Especially after so many terrible dates that left you feeling hopeless, the idea of getting engaged felt more like a pipedream than a reality. So now that you’re in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who you adore, respect and trust, the idea of marriage doesn’t seem so impossible after all. There are a few questions to consider before you get engaged and more than a handful of things to know before marriage. That’s why it’s important to consider pre-engagement advice and to wholeheartedly answer the ‘Am I ready to get married?’ question with conviction. Here, some things to consider before getting married and to dive deep into your relationship (and yourself) on your path to life commitment. After all, it’s one of the greatest decisions you’ll ever make—if not the most important—so make sure you’re in it for the long run:

engaged

It takes two whole people to make a whole relationship. This means you enjoy a full life with friends, family, a career and social life that fulfill you. You’re confident, and you don’t expect marriage to instantly fix your problems. Some people may consider getting engaged too soon as a way to fill a void in their heart or in their life, but this is a mistake. It’s healthier to want your partner—but not necessarily need them. This will bode well for a marriage, where there will be times when your responsibilities require more independence, whether when your schedule takes off at work or you have a child. Whatever the cause, confidence and a support system outside of one another is important to create before getting engaged.

Though age is just a number, many wonder ‘how old do you have to be to get engaged.’ This is most due to having a level of confidence, maturity and experience before you pair yourself with another person. Past the age of 18 (or in some states, younger!) is the legal definition, but many experts share post-25 is a better time to say ‘I do.’ And the closer you get to the 30, the less likely you are to get divorced.

At the top of things to know before marriage, accepting and loving your partner for who they are at their core—good and bad qualities alike—is essential. Getting engaged doesn’t magically, instantly change your boyfriend or girlfriend into a dream like human, and with all of the added stress of wedding planning, you might seem some ugly sides come out. Add on adjusting to a married life, and really respecting and adoring someone becomes that much more important. That’s why this is one of the most important questions to consider before you get engaged: ‘Do I like this person?’

What irritates you about your guy now will really grate on you after you’re married. Or about your girl. He’s a total slob? She’s a night owl when you’re an early bird? Don’t kid yourself into thinking he or she will change once you’re hitched — that’s a blueprint for disappointment, says sex therapist Lisa Paz. “Assume that any negative qualities you’re seeing will remain negative, and be realistic about what you’re willing to live with,” she says. So consider this pre engagement advice and what’s a dealbreaker and what’s not before your boyfriend becomes your husband, or your girlfriend becomes your wife.

One of the things to consider before getting married is what it actually means. Unfortunately, becoming man and wife isn’t just one long, romantic, rose-colored date. It is full of ups and downs, ebbs and flows, patience, compromise, changes and countless other experiences you can’t really predict. Getting engaged isn’t just saying ‘Yes!’—but it means that you truly enjoy each other’s company. You’re okay with just being together sometimes, even while running errands or doing chores. You would rather wake up to them when they’re sick and cranky than to any other person. That’s where ‘liking’ becomes as important as ‘loving’—you know you’ve answered the most important questions to consider before you get engaged when you would choose everyday, complicated, ridiculous, life with this person over a glamorous one without them.

If you didn’t know this already: marriage means being exclusive with one person for the rest of your life. But this pre engagement advice isn’t just about who you can sleep with or be intimated with. In many cases, it also means forsaking contact with exes and anyone else who may threaten your union. If the idea of monogamy makes you feel secure and confident in your relationship, getting engaged is a comfortable next step for you. But if you’re still asking ‘Am I ready to get married?’ because you’re still holding a torch for another person, it is wise to hold off on getting engaged too soon.